Waiting For Tonight
by Girl in My Mirror Is Crying
Summary: Sakura is waiting for tonight; she has dreamed of this love for so long. SASUSAKU. [If you steal my cover image, then I'm reporting you to the police and you'll be apprehended by the cops. Thank you.]
1. Chapter 1

Goodmorning. Sakura just woke up from her lovely slumber.

Stretching, she got out of bed. The angle she positioned her body caused something in her intestines to shift. Perhaps it was gas blocked by a single turd throughout the night. I'm not certain. But a loud and abrupt poot escaped her rectum all of a sudden.

"Woo," Sakura said, feeling relief she didn't know she sought out.

Walking to the bathroom, she sat on the toilet and peed for a good minute or so. Eventually, the peeing noise died down. Reaching to grab some toilet paper, she let out an airy fart that sounded so soft and delicate like an angel's kiss. It must've been caused by the pressure of straining her peehole and it traveled to her rectal area. Wiping her vagina, she looked at the toilet paper and it was a light yellow color. She flushed all the contents down the toilet.

She stood up and pulled up her panties and pajama bottoms. Walking over to the sink, she spotted herself in the mirror and smiled. As soon as she did, she noticed that her teeth were yellow. They looked like they were little pieces of butter that were put on movie popcorn. She quickly grabbed her tooth brush and squeezed a healthy dollop of Crest toothpaste on to it. Sakura quickly popped that bad boy into her mouth and went to town. Scrubbing and brushing for at least ten minutes. She finally spit out the contents in her mouth and smiled at herself in the mirror again. There. Much better.

After that, she decided she needed to clean her ears.

She twisted the Q-tip in her right ear and it felt weirdly good. Sakura shuddered in pleasure then took it out. She couldn't help herself and looked at the end of the bud, noticing it was a yellow color. She made a face of disgust but felt really pleased by it for some strange reason. The pinkette got another Q-tip and did the same in the other ear. Ahh, it felt so good. This time when she took the swab out, there were a few chunks of yellowish earwax on the tip. "Good golly," Sakura exhaled shakily, rotating the tip to look at it. "My ears must've been really funky!"

She tossed the Q-tips in the direction of the trash can, but missed. They bounced off the edge and landed on the floor beside it. Sakura did indeed notice this, but she ignored it. She was too lazy to reach down and pick them up. Besides, she can always do it later. Sakura inhaled in contentment and listened to the air conditioning unit circulate through the house. The pinkette just wanted to enjoy the silence for a minute. After awhile she grew bored.

"I'm going to put on make-up now," she said to no one in particular.

First, she must remove the large black heads from her nose. She got a plain white wash cloth from her linen closet and doused it with hot water. Then she proceeded to compress her face with the warm cloth. This took about five minutes. Slowly, her pores began opening up even further. This is a good thing; the pores will come right out! Next, she opened the box of Bioré Deep Cleansing Pore Strips but this took a while because she couldn't figure out which side was the correct opening. She removed a packet, setting the box aside. She clumsily tore open the packet and pulled out a clear piece of with the pore strip attached.

Pursing her lips, she removed the sticky strip from the plastic and placed it unevenly on her moist nose.

She stared at herself in the mirror for a few moments before going to watch an episode of Judge Judy that she DVR'd. Something had to be done to pass the time as the pore strip dried. Otherwise, Sakura would completely die of boredom! After fifteen minutes passed, Sakura's nose felt really hard. It was time to remove it. Yes, it was.

She got up from her couch and clicked the 'power' button, which turned the TV off. Then she walked to the bathroom, staring at herself in the mirror once again. She smiled at herself before pulling the pore strip upwards- which is a definite must. It removes more unsightly pores if you do it that way. It hurt a little bit as she ripped it off, so Sakura said 'ow!'

Lifting up the used pore strip, she looked at the yellowish-brown dots that coated every inch. Those were her pores. They were in her nose. Now they aren't. It made Sakura grow weirdly fascinated. Soon, she grew bored of looking at her dirty pore strip. So she crumpled it up and threw it in the direction of the trash can. She missed, and it landed a few inches away.

"Whatever," Sakura muttered to herself and shrugged. "I'll clean it up later if I have the time."

Sakura turned to face herself in the mirror and she smiled again at her reflection. Reaching into the cabnet, she pulled out a few bottles. These shall prepare her skin for makeup. She then applied Thayers' Alcohol-free rose petal witch-hazel on her nose. She did this so the pores would close and it would prevent dirt and bacteria from reforming. Then she spashed her face with ice cold water. Her skin was a little red, but it looked very tight and clean. Next, she applied Lubriderm lotion to her face. She liked that particular lotion because it was good for sensitive skin.

Now is the time to apply makeup. She walked back into her room and sat at her makeup table. She switched on the light to her vanity mirror. Her face illuminated and glowed sexily. Sakura smiled at herself- pretending she was smiling at Sasuke. She also liked to pretend she was in Sasuke's point of view and looking at herself. She was weird.

Sakura pulled out her dirty beauty blender and walked to the bathroom and let water engorge it. She wringed out the excess water until it felt damp then proceeded back to her vanity mirror. Sitting down, she felt comfortable. Opening the door of her makeup desk, she pulled out her favorite foundation; MAKEUP FOR EVER liquid foundation in the shade 'classic ivory.' Squirting a bit onto the tip of her beauty blender, she smiled to herself. Her skin was going to look flawless.

She began dabbing it onto her skin. First, she started underneath her eyes where her dark circles were. Then she proceeded to her cheeks, then her nose, then her chin, then her forehead. Then she turned the beauty blender on its other side- the _blending_ side- and blended the foundation. She discarded the beauty tool for now, and examined herself in the mirror. With solely foundation, she looked similar to a kabuki.

Next, she filled in her eyebrows. Since we all know that her eyebrows are scarce and faintly pink, she must use an exotic eyeshadow. Today, she chose a cheap pink eyeshadow pallet she got from Hot Topic that was on clearance. She can't remember the name at the moment, so sorry. I doubt you'd want it anyway. She daintly filled in her brows so they almost looked slightly natural. Then, she went around the edges with with concealer and a thin brush. To top it all off, she used an eyebrow brush. There. Now it looks great.

She then used a Maybelline eyeshadow pallet that her great aunt bought for her several Christmases ago. Choosing a light brown color, she lightly blended it into the crease of her eye. She did this to make her eyes seem more deep-set. Therefore, it would make the eyes bigger. Bigger eyeballs are beautiful for some reason. Next, she applied a lighter color to the lid itself. Also, you can't forget adding a highlight in the inner corners of your eyes. It makes you look more 'awake' and if you're like Sakura- who stays up all night watching Roseanne re-runs- then you definitely need it.

Sakura reached into her makeup basket, frantically searching for her eyeliner. Items shuffled and made loud noises as they were roughly pushed over eachother.

"Damn it," Sakura cursed loudly. "Where the fuck is my eyeliner?!"

After a few moments, she finally found it. Next, she applied a thin layer of eyeliner to one eye. She leaned back to observe her work. No. It needs to be thicker. So she re-did it and added more along her lashline. No. It still wasn't good enough. Sakura stretched it out further, past where her eyelid ended. Today she was going to do a cat eye. Purrrfect! She did the same to her other eye, except she messed up a little. Hey, it's okay. No one will notice. Right?

Now that she's done with that, it's time to add the finishing touches to the eye. Which means...eyelashes. Yes, something needs to be done to those eyelashes. Sakura's were so scarce and light colored. It looked awful because they are barely noticeable against her flour-colored skin. So, what can be done about this? Mascara, of course. But what if that's not enough? You totally guessed it, boo boo. False eyelashes!

Sakura pulled out a plastic case that held a pair of semi-natural looking false eyelashes. If you'd like to know, yes, she did in fact get them from Walmart. Taking them out of the packet, she applied a thin layer of glue to the 'lash bone' and blew on it. She didn't know why she had to blow on it. She just saw other makeup artists on Youtube do it, so she copied. After a minute passed, she placed it on her eye as close as she could to her natural lashline. Yes! She actually succeeded!

Okay, now for the next eye. She did the same steps as the previous, however as she was going to apply the eyelash to her eyelid, she dropped it and it fell on the floor. Oh no! She looked for it using a magnifying glass for fifteen minutes or so. Come to find out, it was only stuck on her arm this entire time! She felt frustrated but quickly got over it. Sakura applied a new layer of glue since the old layer dried. Shakily, she hovered the false eyelashes over her eye. She moved in closer...and closer. Until she finally made contact with her eyelid! One problem though; the eyelashes were crooked! Yes, the pair of flase eyelashes looked like a black catepillar crawling across her eye.

Sakura screamed out in frustration and slammed her tiny fists against the desk. Life just wasn't fair!

She removed that one cursed false eyelash from her eye. Thankfully, her eyeshadow underneath wasn't too terribly tainted. It gave Sakura some hope. Reapplying some lash glue, she gulped. She felt nervous. Her hands were sweaty. Her heart was racing. She's never been so terrified in her entire life. Will she make it? Will she succeed?

Firmly, she pressed it against her lashline. She prayed to God in Heaven above; please let this eyelash look sexy! She slowly opened her eyes and HOT DAMN SHE LOOKED GORGEOUS. They were both aligned perfectly, now. You could never tell in a bazillion years that Sakura made the biggest mistake of her life a few seconds ago. She let out a breath of relief and pulled confetti out of nowhere and threw it in the air. YES. YES!

Now that her eyes looked completely and utterly flawless, she decided to move on to her lips. For lip color; she settled on a dark, sexy, sassy red color. The lipstick smoothly and evenly applied itself upon her lips. Smoother than butter. After lining the edges with lipliner, she made kissy faces at herself in the mirror and gave a toothy grin. Upon smiling, she noticed a little lipstick on her two front teeth. Licking it off with her tongue, she smiled again. Nothing was going to break her stride.

She picked up her phone that was laying on her dresser, and selected the Spotify app. Scrolling down her playlist, she selected the song she desired to listen to. Suddenly, the song 'Flawless' by Beyonce resounded throughout her house.

"I woke up like this. I woke up like this," Sakura sung to herself whilst looking at herself in the mirror's reflection. "We flawless."

She turned around so that her butt was facing the mirror. It was a little flat so she poked it out further like the girls do on Instagram. Sakura started wiggling it to the beat of the song and mouthed the lyrics. Her glossy lips made crackling sounds when she moved them and it was slightly annoying. She looked around to make sure no one was watching her - even though she has lived alone for nearly 10 years - and pulled her panties snuggly up her buttcrack. Then she proceeded to gyrate her butt and move it up and down. Her buttcheeks slightly jiggled and the cellulite on her thighs sloshed around. She was feeling so sexy until her knees cracked and they hurt. So she stopped.

To be honest, her armpits were feeling a little sweaty from all that twerking. So she padded softly to the bathroom and applied some Dove deodorant. Then she added some baby powder to seal the deal. That way it would be less likely that her armpits would smell bad throughout the day. On the other hand, her buttcrack was also a little sweaty. She didn't know what to do, so she Googled, 'how do I deal with a sweaty butthole an hour before date.' She was pleased to find many helpful results. On Yahoo Answers, deedlet982 suggested that she should get a baby wipe and wipe her butthole a few times. Wow, that sounds simple.

Sakura decided that she'd sit on the toilet and wipe because when you sit on the toilet your buttcheeks naturally spread open. That way it'll be easier to gain access to inner buttcheeks and anus. Sakura sat on the toilet and the lid was so cold against her buttcheeks; it made her butthole pucker. Reaching behind her, she struggled to pull open the container of Huggies unscented wipes. After a few moments, she finally attained her first baby wipe and pressed it against her butthole. It was cold and she felt a chill tingle up her spine. She shivered.

Moving the wipe back and forth over her anus, she noticed it glided smoothly over her sacred brown hole. She smiled with glee at the realization that she had a smooth butthole. She couldn't wait until Sasuke would see her polished butthole and be so aroused.

When her butthole felt squeaky clean, she threw the soiled wipe in the direction of the trash can. She almost missed; it landed on the edge of the can. Good enough. Pulling her panties up, she promptly walked into her room and looked at her wordrobe. She remembered the day her grandma found it at a yard sale and bought it for her pink-haired grandbaby. However, since it was so huge, she had to get assistance from her third cousin, Roger. They transported it to her house via his pick-up truck. She thought it was an amazing deal.

Opening up the wordrobe, she looked inside her closet. Hmm. What to wear? The possibilities are endless.

She finally settled on a light pink blouse that she bought from Charlotte Russe she bought a few years ago. For pants, she decided she'd just wear leggings. As far as undergarments go, she wanted to wear some skimpy panties just in case they get freaky later. Sakura picked a white lace thong that she got from Macy's on clearance and a matching AA cup bra. Yes. All of this will come together wonderfully.

After she put everything on, she gazed at herself longingly in the mirror. Eat your heart out, Uchiha Sasuke.

Sakura turned around in the mirror and gave her perky butt a smack. Yes, she couldn't wait until Sasuke spanked her with a paddle later.

Suddenly, the doorbell rang and the sound echoed throughout the house. It startled Sakura greatly, too. She ran over to her window and peeked out the blinds. Seeing Sasuke's 2001 Mazda 626 parked in her driveway reassured her that it wasn't a bible salesman or a serial killer. It was her bae. She smiled and excitedly galloped towards the front door. Her feet thundered against the floor and she was positive Sasuke could hear it from outside.

Sakura opened the door to find Sasuke wearing nothing but a red thong. His dry, chapped lips raised upwards into a sensual smile as he said, "Ready for our date, baby?"

The end.


	2. Chapter 2

**Due to popular demand, I shall continue onwards with this story. Thank you all for the encougraging feedback.**

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"Um, Sasuke," Sakura started wearily, quickly averting her gaze from his crotch. However, she briefly saw his scraggly, extremely thick, coarse happy trail and pubes that were poking out the top of the thong. She tried to refrain from looking at it again even though she was tempted. "You...look amazing."

A gleam of arrogance twinkled in his dark eyes and Sakura noticed it. She metaphorically melted into a puddle of goo. I say 'metaphorically' because if she literally did, that would be deeply unsettling.

"I'm not going to ask you again, bitch," Sasuke said harshly, his breath fanning her face. It smelt of Newport cigarettes and Bud Light. "Are you ready or not?"

His brash voice startled her and she jumped back slightly, her doe eyes widening in confusion. She was secretly hoping he'd compliment her makeup she worked so hard on. Or he'd compliment the custom tune doorbell she installed a few days ago. Whenever someone pressed it, ten seconds of Nickleback songs would play throughout her house. She had to admit; she was heavily disheartened so far. But, since Sakura had daddy issues, she'd put this little fiasco aside.

"Yes, darling," Sakura said softly, a honey-sweet smile spreading across her face. "Let me just put my shoes on."

Sasuke tsk'd impatiently, and roughly pushed himself off of the door frame. When he turned around, Sakura couldn't help but glance down at his exposed buttcheeks. They were so pale; it looked like he dunked his ass in flour. But, to Sakura, it was beautiful like a full moon gleaming in a bowl of vanilla pudding. So sweet that it made you want to book an appointment with your doctor in advance because you know you'd catch diabetes. Digging even deeper into her naughty thoughts, she wondered what his butthole would look like. She was rudely snatched out of her daydreams when she heard the loud noise of Sasuke loudly slamming the screen door behind him.

Sakura quickly dashed to her shoe rack and chose a pair of cheaply made flip flops that she bought from The Gay Dolphin in Myrtle Beach. Yes, it was during Spring Break of '07. So they were terribly out of date! Oh, no! Somebody _please_ call the fashion police and give this girl a ticket!

With her flip flops in hand, she quickly sprinted out of her house. Sakura saw Sasuke's car attempting to pull out of her driveway. She could see him looking left and right to make sure no passing cars were nearby. Aw, what an adorable little driver he was! It made Sakura want to pinch his cheeks. And she's not talking about _those_ cheeks.

His car made an 'awooga!' noise and plentiful smoke exhaled out of the muffler. Begrudgingly, he pulled back into her driveway with a sour expression on his face. And I'm not joking; it looked as if he had consumed an entire bag of Warheads at once! He rolled down his pollen-covered window, giving her permission to plead her case.

"What the hell, Sasuke?!" Sakura screeched loudly over the sound of his muffler gurgling and popping. "You can't wait two seconds for me?"

"Get in the fucking car, you turd," Sasuke spat. He leaned over to unlock the passenger side door. Since his car was so outdated, it didn't have the capablities of unlocking it with a simple push of a button.

Sakura obediently got into the car and immediately the smell of cigarettes entered her nostrils. She looked down and saw hundreds of cigarettes ashed into one big pile near the gear stick. Then she glanced at the dashboard and saw it had a bobblehead of a rottweiler, its head nodding up and down as if to say, 'yes, Sakura, you made an excellent decision.'

She hesitantly sat down, feeling the roughness of the fabric against her buttcheeks. Yes, even through the material of her leggings. Something with a lot of friction must've caused this. She automatically envisioned Sasuke rapidly rubbing his butt in a circular motion in this seat.

As she attempted to close the door on her side of the car, she heard the hinges squeak softly before it clicked securely in place. She sat there awkwardly for a moment, dwiddling her fingers. Waiting for the car to start. When it never did, she looked questioningly at Sasuke.

"Remember what Dora the Explorer always says; 'put on your seat bealts so we can be safe!'" Sasuke said, mimicking Dora's voice and he sounded exactly like her for a split-second. Rest assured, if something happened to Dora's voice actress, at least we have Sasuke for a backup.

"Oh, uh, all right," Sakura said, reaching over to grab the sun-bleached seat belt that smelt strangely of stale sweat. She clicked it into place, it snuggly protecting her from any accidents that may or may not occur. She looked to Sasuke again and said jokingly, "Since when do you watch Dora the Explorer?"

Automatically, Sasuke's face was flaming red as a tomato. "I...I don't. I would _never_ watch such a stupid fucking show. I just happened to overhear it when my little sister was watching it once."

Sakura hesitated a moment before saying sincerely, "You don't have a little sister, Sasuke."

After a few moments of hearing no denying rebuttal from Sasuke, she glanced at him from the corner of her eye. He pretended to not hear what she said and turned on the AC on full-blast causing their hair to blow around wildly like a palm tree in Hurricane Katrina. It seriously felt like her hair follicules were about to be uprooted from her head. Where on earth did Sasuke get such powerful air conditioning unit to put in his car?

They sped off into the night.

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tbc.


	3. Chapter 3

This chapter is based on a true story.

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Suddenly, Sasuke's shitty car turned into a jet and it soared into the air that smelt like cheap Christmas trees you'd buy on clearance after the holidays. Sasuke pressed a button that made a 'ribbet' noise like a gay frog when he hit it, and they both jumped out of the jet at 438 mph. They both floated down using their parachutes and landed on top of a local Kohl's – across the street from Olive Garden. Sasuke pulled out his flip phone and dialed the National M&M McFlurry hotline and told them their current situation. "Nigga, why the fuck did you call us?!" screeched the voice on the other end. "We have more important matters to attend to. Our most popular caller Brian Snipes is on the other line right now!" They hung up and it made Sasuke so depressed that he wrote a shitty poem on a piece of bubblegum wrapper in his pocketbook. "You know it's fucked when the pain feels nice. Cheap liquor on ice." Sasuke wrote as a tear dribbled down his buttcheek.

Since Uchiha Sasuke was always full of surprises, he pulled out a ladder that could extend to 5093 feet and he bought it at Lowe's if you're interested. They slid down like how firefighters do in movies and you wonder how they don't get heartburn from eating so much chili. They then hitchhiked forty feet across the Kohl's parking lot and walked into Olive Garden.

Instantly, the smell of Chef Boyardee's recipes and Adam Sandler's farts entered their hairy nostrils. Sakura looked down and avoided eye contact with the cashier and looked at the greasy floor. The light reflected off her shiny toenails and wondered if she had toe crud that smelt like mozzarella cheese.

"Good evening, ladies. I'm Yamakazi Garth Brooks Sosuke – but you can just call me Dooter for short. I'll be your waiter this evening," said a man with blonde dreads and blue eyes. "Would you like a table or a fucking stank ass booth?"

"Hmm," Sakura paused thoughtfully as if her IQ wasn't in the single digits. "I think we'd like a booth-"

"Table." Sasuke interrupted. "Oh, and we'll need a highchair. 'Kay? Thanks." Sasuke finished snappily. He was such a little diva and ready to end the conversation with the man who looked like he had rotten cheese fries on top of his oily head.

"A highchair?" the man named Sosuke questioned, looking around the couple. "I don't see a kid with ya'll, though?"

"That's because it's for _me_ , turd goblin." Sasuke said venomously through gritted teeth. He cracked his knuckles like he was preparing to beat up that Jamaican cinnamon stick in the Apple Jacks commercials. "So, shut your octagon chin ass up!"

"Yes, ma'am," Sosuke said with a Nickelodeon green slime lip-gloss on his thin lips. "My apologies. I'll bring our extra large helicopter just for you, baby boo!"

Did he just say helicopter instead of highchair?

They followed the froo-froo man to their table and sat down awkwardly and the wine glasses clinked together and made a silly sound when the man collected them. He assumed they were too emotionally retarded to handle any kind of alcohol. Yes, that included rubbing alcohol. Suddenly Sasuke's Jesse McCartney ring tone resounded through the entire fucking restaurant. Sosuke recognized the song as 'Hollaback Hungry-Man TV Dinners' and started dancing like a fruit of the loom underwear for circus clowns' dirty assholes. Everyone in the restaurant started dancing. It was like an olive oil dance club rather than a restaurant, now.


	4. Chapter 4

I love you, Chip Skylark.

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~A Romantic Date at Olive Garden~

"So," Sakura said like a curling iron having a heated affair with baby lotion. "Tell me about yourself, Trump Rafael Sasuke-kun."

She was resting her ashy elbows on the greasy table and it would certainly moisturize them. She batted her eyelashes so fast that it caused a mini tsunami in the ranch dressing on their salad. The sound of forks scraping against plates resounded around the restaurant and it made Haruno Sakura feel awkward and self-conscious about her plastic earrings she ordered from a Shirley Temple infomercial.

A big bowl of salad was sitting in front of them.

"A lot of people couldn't survive the blow I took to my heart," Sasuke said dead-serious like he was requesting some nuts on his chocolate fudge sundae at Diary Queen. He was smiling so sweetly at an obese stretch marked covered black olive on his plate. He went on, "I'll tell you one thing; I am strong enough to overcum the pain."

"What do you want, a fucking award? I just wanted to know more about you." Sakura replied as she bit into a yummy banana pepper and made a ^_^ face.

"Excuse me, that really got to me and I need to sit down." Sasuke said dejectedly as he observed the veins on a piece of lettuce and thought of Mufasa.

"You're already sitting down, dipshit." Sakura pointed out sweetly and nicely, like the voice a Kindergarten teacher would use to praise their most retarded student for finding cat turds in the sandbox. All the while, she repeatedly dipped a crouton in ranch dressing until it was soggy like her flappy pussy-hole after watching three hours of that show 'Highway Thru Hell' on The Weather Channel.

She looked up at Sasuke and smiled like a boy farted in your 7th grade P.E. class while doing sit-ups. "Hi Sasuke-kun, I have cystic ovarian syndrome."

"Me too."

"Do you know what that is, Sasuke-kun?"

"Well why don't you tell me since you're so fucking smart."

"It's when cyst grow on the ovaries." She explained matter-of-factly.

"Just shut your goddamn mouth. It smells like you ate a turd filled burrito for Christ's sakes," Sasuke said breathlessly, genuinely amazed that Sakura had a 4th grade education. "Also, I wish I was a dolphin sometimes."

"Sometimes….I wish I could be a carrot in my pawpaw's garden," Sakura choked out, her throat feeling tight and tears forming in the corners of her eyes. "Because….carrots are allowed to be free."

Sasuke slammed his fists hard on the table and knocked his Sierra Mist over and it spilt all over his lap. He screamed, "HULK SMASH!"

They both laughed.

Sakura laughed so hard and wiped the tears from her eyes because she was laughing so hard. Thank the Lord Almighty that she didn't accidentally fart. "You know. Whenever I look at you, my buttslit gets sopping wet, Sasuke-kun."

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 _To be continued…_


	5. Chapter 5

To the reviewer _**kammyQ**_ – make like my front door and shut it! *gives you the middle finger* ^_^ Let's just say if you enjoy how your toilet flushes, keep your mouth closed! J/K! Thanks for the review, gurlie. *farts*

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 _Sex with you is like I'm dreaming_

 _I just wanna hear you scream again_

 _Now you're gone I can't believe it_

 _Time I spent with you deceiving me_

 _I don't care if you believe in me_

 _I still wonder why you're leaving me_

 _I don't care if you believe me_

 _I still wonder why you tease me_

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~A Romantic Date at Olive Garden~

Sakura looked down at her dish and wondered how many other people ate off the same plate before her. She wondered about their life story and all the events that led to this place, this particular plate. Did they feel the same way she felt right now, eating the same salad drizzled with vinaigrette dressing?

"Hmm," she hummed absentmindedly, poking a red tomato with her fork.

"What the actual fuck is on your mind, bitch?" Sasuke asked. He looked at her face and noticed her make-up looked like shit underneath the lighting they had in this fine establishment.

"Oh, nothing," Sakura sighed. "I was just wondering why Squidward never wore pants."

They sat in uncomfortable silence for a few moments. Sasuke didn't know what to say in response, so he popped the joints in his toes. It was so loud that it sounded like a machine gun; the couple at the table next to them ducked under their chairs covering their heads with their hands and screamed at the top of their lungs.

Sasuke began stomping his feet underneath the table like a bratty five-year-old throwing a tantrum in Toys R Us.

That's when it happened. Sakura felt a gurgle in her rectum and the nerves surrounding her Hershey Highway tingled. It was akin to the feeling of anxious excitement before you eat a bowl of Honey Bunches of Oats in the Chick-Fil-A drive thru with a sausage in your ass. Red lights flashed in her eyes and sirens blasted in her buttery ears – similar to how it happened to Beatrix Kiddo in Kill Bill. The realization dawned on her.

SHE…

HAD…

TO…

 _ **SHIT!**_

She made a face like that portrait 'The Scream' or Macaulay Culkin when he splashed aftershave on his face in Home Alone. Oh NOES! This was a horrible predicament that she was in. Sakura absolutely despised using the bathroom in public because she didn't want other people to hear her turds splash into the toilets. She didn't want to give Sasuke-kun the impression that she actually had a hole primarily used to dispense fecal matter.

It must've been those damn banana peppers. They always liked to tease her steamy asshole. 😊

"Hi, Uchiha Yankee Candle Sasuke-kun," Sakura began shakily. "I…"

She paused.

He looked at her with eyes filled with boogers and said to her, "Did you know, Sakura? There's an old Hawaiian saying that Tito from Rocket Power once told me. 'No matter how much you wash a turd, it will not come clean.'"

"Yes, I think I read that quote on Facebook," Sakura said quickly, beads of sweat on her large forehead. The pain in her wrinkly ass was intensifying by the second. She laughed, "I'm just wondering if you're a mind reader, Sasuke-kun! Because I was just thinking of jacking off some turds."

His lips puckered like a chicken's asshole as he blew kisses into the salt and pepper shakers like a marshmallow named Steve Irwin. He wanted to swim in his aunt Barbara's pool so that he could burn some calories.

"I need to go wash my ears in the sink," Sakura lied, giving her date a reassuring smile. "They're getting buttery like a bowl of popcorn."

She stood up and excused herself from the table. Since she has been sitting down for three hours on the same sticky ass chair her legs felt wobbly as she walked across the restaurant. Sakura felt self-conscious walking in front of everyone, so she pretended that she was on the cover of a Lil Boosie album. She hummed a Lil Wayne song as she made her way to the restroom area.

Since Sakura was a non-binary genderfluid turkey wing, she preferred to use the men's restroom. But there was a long conga line in front of the men's restroom, so she settled for the women's.

Her flip flops clapped against the floor like a fat woman twerking her belly rolls for a free cavity filling as she walked against the tiles of the bathroom. She looked around and there were a group of Taiwanese women holding a séance at the sink. They were chanting in tongues and sacrificing a breadstick.

Sakura picked a stall that had a less amount of dingleberries on the toilet seat, sat down on the toilet and pulled out her phone. She wanted to text her best friend; Yamanaka Hu Flung Poo Ino.

'OMGGGG XDDDD I HAVE TO TAKE A HUGE DUMP wtf' she looked at what she typed and hit 'send.' She waited approximately 2 minutes for a response but didn't receive one, so she sent another text. 'Pls play GTA w/ me l8r. luv u' and sent a helicopter emoji. She put her phone back in her purse and settled uncomfortably on the toilet. She felt cold chills climb up her arms and she shivered. It was so cold in here; she bet her anus had goosebumps.

Smiling at the thought, she pulled down her raggedy underwear she stole from a packet at Wal-Mart. There were skid marks in them. She strained and heard a crackling sound come from her ass opening up. She strained harder and harder like she was giving birth to a turnip named Eddie. Then, an underwhelming turd about the size of a flea dropping fell out of her ass and made the softest splash you could ever imagine. You couldn't even hear it if your eardrums were the size of Choji's left buttcheek.

"Ahh," Sakura sighed in relief. "That feels so much better."

Suddenly, a LOUD fart escaped from her ass. It lasted eighty-three seconds straight and parted the toilet waters like how Moses parted the Red Sea in the Bible.

"DAAYYUUMM, THAT TURD SLAMMED ON BRAKES!" someone screamed in the next stall.

.

.

.

 _When the moon hits your skin_

 _I could see you and him_

 _Not you and me_

 _But it's just you and me_

 _When the sun shines above_

 _You wake up with the boy you love_

 _Not you and me_

 _But it's just you and me_

 _All alone again_

.

.

.

 _To be continued…_


End file.
